The Secret to an HEA

Ask the Sweethearts

Welcome to the October edition of Ask the Sweethearts! First, congratulations to Sioux Trett, winner of our September giveaway. She receives a Sweetheart book of her choice, just for being a subscriber. Thank you to all of our wonderful subscribers! xoxoxo

This month’s question: If you had to pick one thing that is key to a “happily ever after” relationship, what would it be?

Karole Cozzo: Being on the other person’s side. I think the need to be on one another’s sides manifests in hundreds of different ways, often daily. It means recognizing their needs when they’re different from your own. It means having their back against problems or people or the world at large. It means supporting their interests or ambitions even if they don’t interest you or involve you. It means nurturing when nurturing is called for, or realizing you need to step back when you can’t fix a problem or they don’t want you to. It means celebrating a person’s accomplishments or recognizing their strengths at times when you might be experiencing struggle or defeat. Recognizing as a couple that you’re on the same team, even when you have your differences and arguments, and truly wanting for the best for the other person…. I think that’s one of the most critical components of a happily ever after, in fiction or reality.

Robin Constantine: One thing I think is key to a happily ever after is a sense of humor. Humor is such a personal quirk — there’s nothing quite like sharing a good laugh with someone to realize how well a person “gets you.”  Making the object of your affection laugh (with you, not at you, although I guess under the right circumstances that would be okay too!) is one of the best feelings in the world. If you can keep a sense of humor through the tough times, you know you’ve got someone you can count on.

Erin Fletcher: The one thing I think is key to a “happily ever after” relationship is happiness. Okay, okay, maybe that’s cheating, but hear me out. Happiness means joking and laughing together. It means not taking the other person (or yourself!) too seriously. It means spending time doing things you both truly enjoy. It means brightening the other person’s day and savoring every second when they do the same for you. With happiness, there’s no room for sweating the small stuff. There’s no room for anger or jealousy or other challenges. See? Happiness leads to happily ever after. Simple but true!

Linda Budzinski: As Aretha Franklin says, R-E-S-P-E-C-T. (And more than just a little bit.) Because if you’re together long enough, you’re going to hit a rough patch or two or twenty, but if you respect each other, you can get through it. Respect isn’t enough to get through everything, but it’s essential to get through anything. Without it, you don’t stand a chance. The tough times will tear you apart.

Darcy Woods: Ever read or attend a workshop by story master Michael Hauge? If so, my answer’s going to have a ring of the familiar. (If not, I can’t recommend him enough!) The key thing that makes for enduring HEAs is when two characters connect at their essence. Sound too New Agey? Don’t worry, you won’t need a mystical satchel of crystals to understand. This is basic human psychology, folks! Because we each believe ourselves to be a particular kind of person. We lead entire lives fulfilling this narrative. This is the face we show the world, but not necessarily the full truth of who we are. Our “essence,” or core, is who we are when you peel away all the defenses and limiting self-beliefs. It’s our purest self. Now, think about some of your favorite literary couples and what’s the common denominator? They almost ALL share this innate ability to see something in one another that the rest of the world does not (or doesn’t see with quite the same clarity). This is the person they fall in love with — their truest, most unfiltered self. And how can you not hardcore swoon for a love so deep?

Stephanie Scott: While in romance books it’s often true that opposites attract, in real life you need at least some common interests — a shared sense of humor or similar way of looking at the world. I do think a little bit of opposite interests helps so each person maintains his or her own identity and strengths. Being able to value each other’s unique interests is key to the “ever after” aspect of happy.

What do you think? What is the key to an HEA? Tell us in the comments! xoxoxo

Contest: Subscribing Has Its Privileges

Contests

For our September giveaway, we’re saying “thank you” to our subscribers. If you subscribe to our posts, you are automatically eligible to win! If you don’t yet subscribe, it’s not too late. Simply use the “Subscribe” button on the sidebar. Bonus: You’ll never miss another Sweethearts post or contest! 🙂

We’ll pick a random subscriber on October 4 and announce the winner on the 5th to win a Sweethearts book of your choice.

Good luck! xoxoxo

Jenn Nguyen: No Regrets

Guest Posts

Our September guest is Jenn P. Nguyen, whose debut novel, THE WAY TO GAME THE WALK OF SHAME, came out in June 2016 from Macmillan’s Swoon Reads. Named a 2017 Quick Pick for Reluctant Young Adult Readers, this YA rom-com is about a straight arrow who wakes up after a party next to a bad-boy surfer dude and decides that the best way to silence the inevitable gossip is for the two of them to pretend they’re actually dating. What could go wrong?

How many books have you written, and how many have seen the light of day?

I have written six novels. THE WAY TO GAME THE WALK OF SHAME is the fifth and only one to be published. I’ve queried all the others, but now as I look back on them, I can see why I didn’t have any bites. And why they’re now buried on my bookshelf. But I don’t regret any of it at all. With each book, I learned a bit more about the writing and querying process, which ultimately led me to publishing THE WAY TO GAME.

Well then, it was all totally worth it, because this book is adorbs. Through all that, what was your biggest query mistake?

Oh, boy. My biggest mistake in querying was just diving straight in and not doing my research. For my first novel, I queried a 150k YA time travel. Yes, you read it correctly. 150 thousand words. That started with a prologue AND a dream. Plus I queried every agent who accepted YA. I’m actually surprised that I even got a partial request on that novel. So my advice to everyone is research, research, research. Research your writing techniques. Research how to query. Research who to query. Almost to the point where it’s borderline obsession because you want to give your book the best possible chance out there and sometimes you only get one time to make an impression.

How do you manage to stay positive and keep at it when you’re dealing with rejection and/or critical reviews?

When you’re a writer, you basically have to deal with rejection and criticism all the time. From critique partners, to agents, to editors, to readers. I’ve been querying for years and I thought I had pretty thick skin. Ha, silly me. Then my book was published and those reviews were a whole different ballpark. And just as scary. When I was querying or editing, I took in all of the critiques and tried to figure out how to make my book better. But when it’s published, there’s basically nothing you can do and then reading the negative reviews does more harm then good. So now I try not to read them, and if I do happen to catch a bad review, I just try to remember that it’s a matter of opinion and taste and my book isn’t for everyone.

OK, onto the fun stuff. Kissing scenes: easy or tough?

Oh, gosh. You would think that since my favorite genre is YA contemporary romance (to read and to write) that I would love kissing scenes. Which I do. But I CANNOT write them. Well, obviously I do because there are several kissing scenes in THE WAY TO GAME THE WALK OF SHAME but it is so hard for me. Usually when I write, I imagine the scene unfolding like a movie in my head, but when it comes to kissing scenes, there are so many bloopers and takes. I have trouble figuring out the emotions and where all the arms and legs go. Thankfully YouTube is a great source of inspiration for that, but then sometimes I end up binge watching a Korean drama or Gossip Girl.

Tell us about your most memorable fangirl moment. Who did you meet?

This is really embarrassing so it’ll just stay between us. A few years ago, I went to the Romantic Times Convention and met Stephanie Perkins. The Stephanie Perkins. She had been my writing idol for ages and I met her after her panel. Of course she was amazing and sweet which just made her even more amazing and I was pretty sure I was the emoticon with the heart-shaped eyes the entire time we talked.

Now, tell us about the first time someone fangirled or fanboyed over you.

I was blessed enough to meet a bunch of readers at Romantic Times last year, but the first time someone fangirled over me was in an email a month or two after THE WAY TO GAME THE WALK OF SHAME. They just wanted to let me know how much the book meant to them and how happy it made them, which made my week. Writing takes so much energy and time that sometimes it becomes exhausting and disheartening. But to know that you’re somehow making someone’s day a little brighter makes it all worthwhile.

That’s so awesome. Stephanie Perkins, watch out! And with that … we’re on to the speed round!

  • Alpha males vs. sensitive types: Definitely sweet sensitive cuties
  • Morning glory vs. night owl: Used to be a night owl, but now that I have a baby, I’m just a wilted morning glory. 🙂
  • Wizards vs. vampires: Wizards for the win!
  • French fries vs. cookies: Fries
  • High heels vs. flats: Flats all the way!
  • Friday night vs. Sunday morning: Friday nights with the weekend ahead

 Thank you for stopping by and sharing! Here’s where readers can find Jenn:

Website * Twitter

Jenn Nguyen fell in love with books in third grade and spent the rest of her school years reading through lunchtime and giving up recess to organize the school library. She has a degree in business administration from the University of New Orleans and still lives in the city with her husband. Jenn spends her days reading, dreaming up YA romances, and binge watching Korean dramas all in the name of “research.”

Embracing Imperfection

Sweethearts Posts

by Robin Constantine

A few months ago I attended a local Paint Nite with my sister. If you’re not familiar with Paint Nite, the skinny is this: A group of people get together at a local restaurant/bar & grill to drink adult beverages and follow along with an instructor to paint a masterpiece of their own. Sounds kind of fun, right? To be honest, my inner teen rebelled at the idea. Organized frivolity? Um, totally cringey. Older, wiser me wanted to simply create without judgment and chill. Something I rarely, if ever, allow myself to do.

On the Paint Nite website, you can type in your zip code and find events near you that feature paintings of varying degrees of difficulty. My sister and I agreed on a picture called “Let Your Light Shine” and paid our entry fee. We arrived about half an hour early, ordered up some sauvignon blanc from the bar and picked out our work space. Two seats, close to the front, so we could have a good view of the painting we were going to recreate.

Voila.

Easy, right?

Once we figured out how to tie our green artist aprons, we were given small palettes with splotches of red, blue, and black. (White and yellow came later.) The instructor turned up the classic rock, picked up her thickest paintbrush and launched right into masterpiece creation 101. Staring at my own blank canvas was daunting. I hesitated before committing to mixing a background color. I’m a perfectionist, so I really wanted to match the color of the original, even though the instructor was all about putting your own stamp on it.

We all know what perfection does to creation, right? In the words of the inimitable Ginger Spice … (via Brainyquote.com):

Yep. Paint Nite was bringing out that creative demon that relishes reminding me my work is, well, imperfect trash. This was supposed to be fun, and there I was fretting over “getting it right.” I took a sip of wine and forged ahead. We only had so much time for each section of the picture before we had to wave our canvases over our head in time with the music to help the paint dry faster. (cue inner teen eye roll) My background wasn’t exact, but it would have to do … then onto the branches.

Again, I fretted about the color, the thickness of the branches, the shape of the leaves. Who did I think was going to see this? It’s not as if I was gunning for The Frick Collection, but to that part of me that has trouble letting go and enjoying the process, it felt like I was. At one point, while the ladies next to me enthusiastically belted out “Living on a Prayer” and painted with a careless fervor I secretly envied, my fist clenched with artistic angst.

Why am I so uptight?

It’s a question I ask myself all the time during first draft. I envy those writers who say first draft is their favorite part of the process. Mine is revision — that’s when I play. For me there’s something very freeing about having words on the page. First drafts make me nervous — a blank canvas. Instead of getting excited about all the possibilities, I focus on the million different ways I could screw it up. Older, wiser, l’artiste moi, KNOWS it’s about the journey. That part of the fun of creation is the discovery. When had I lost that playfulness?

This is what no one tells you.

Under deadline, it’s difficult to be playful and appreciate the journey.

It’s not impossible, of course. I’ve done it — hit that gorgeous time-bending sweet spot when the writing comes effortlessly and you look up and four hours have passed. Some days, though, it feels like a race against the clock to hit a word count. I know that sounds clinical and devoid of joy but sometimes it’s also necessary. While the creative demon of perfectionism can be oppressive at times, it fuels me to produce, makes me strive to work harder, take risks, and meet deadlines. There’s a fine line between being driven by your demons and being defeated by them. I’ve learned to embrace the struggle, but it’s an ongoing process. I didn’t think it would rear its gnarly head at Paint Nite though.

I’ll admit to gritting my teeth as I tried to get the exact curvature of the hanging mason jars. The final touch was the words on the jars and the fireflies surrounding the trees. The instructor encouraged us to use a different phrase or names of family members. I had to take a few deep breaths, allow myself to relax — going off book? Gah!! I liked the simple “Let Your Light Shine,” so I stuck with that. After I was finished, I peeked at the canvas of one of the women who’d been singing and laughing while she painted. It looked nothing like the original picture. The colors were off. The mason jars were ROUND! She’d put her kids initials on each jar! And yet, it was still beautiful and most definitely her own.

Here is my finished product … be nice. 😉

On our way out of the bar, we passed a table of people who were just finishing up their dinner. They were curious about all the laughter they’d heard in the back room and wanted to see what we’d been up to. Some of us passing by held up our canvases. We were greeted with polite smiles and nods. No “Nice” or “Great work.” Just … amused looks. Maybe it was the wine, or maybe it was that feeling of having created something just for enjoyment, but their lack of a positive response didn’t bother me.

In spite of having to tamp down that perfectionist voice several times during the night, I actually had … dare I say it … fun. I like to create without worrying about its worth, to lose myself in play. I had started with a blank canvas and turned it into something that kind of resembled three mason jars hanging from a tree.

A friend of mine once talked about admiring a certain piece of pottery because she could really see the “hand” of the artist in it. I’d never thought of seeing art that way. It turns what might seem clumsy to the eye into something more profound.

Imperfection lets you see the hand in the handiwork.

Imperfection is what makes creative work unique.

Imperfection is you.

Are you a perfectionist with your creative endeavors? How do you deal with it?

That’s Great Advice!

Ask the Sweethearts

Welcome to the September edition of Ask the Sweethearts! Before we begin: Congratulations to Katrina, a.k.a. Bookish Kat, winner of our Instagram giveaway of Darcy Wood’s Summer of Supernovas! Many thanks to all who entered and to all who follow us on IG!

Now, for this month’s question: What is the best piece of writing advice you’ve ever received?

Robin Constantine: I love reading craft books and talking to other writers about their process! I’m constantly collecting tips and strategies to improve my writing. It’s hard to pinpoint the best writing advice because I think my needs change with each project. One of my recent favorites comes from Ingrid Sundberg’s vlog — Ingrid’s Notes. Ingrid is the author of the YA novel All We Left Behind, and if you haven’t subscribed to her channel, you should. It’s a virtual treasure trove of writing gems and she is super inspiring! In her vlog post, Creating Your Own Writing Philosophy, she talks about trusting yourself and using what works for YOU, as opposed to thinking there’s only one way to write and if you have problems working that way you’re a failure. I love that! It’s a very freeing way to look at the creative process!

Darcy Woods: I’ve been incredibly fortunate to get great advice from so many generous souls in this industry. “Keep your eyes on your own paper,” has always been a perennial favorite of mine. This simple phrase (that you probably heard on repeat in elementary school) does the job of succinctly reminding writers not to use others’ “success” as a measuring stick for their own. Does it sound easy? Perhaps. But it isn’t. Because it goes against our human nature to compare, which inevitably pulls us down that dark, spiraling suckhole of despair. I think Teddy Roosevelt really nailed it when he said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” So stay joyous! And maybe invest in some horse blinders to wear along the way.

Erin Fletcher: The best piece of writing advice anyone ever gave me went something like this: “If you’re bored writing it, the reader will be bored reading it.” That applies so often when I find myself stuck writing a boring scene where I’m just waiting for the next big thing to happen. Chances are good that my readers (if they haven’t abandoned the book yet!) are waiting too, so why not just jump to that next big thing right now? The advice taught me not to waste my time or my readers’ time. It taught me to include what’s truly important in the book and to let the rest go.

Karole Cozzo: I’ve received so many tidbits of advice over the past few years, all of which has shaped my experiences positively, but I tried to pick something that is extremely practical and hopefully useful to aspiring authors out there: When seeking publication, follow the rules. As an unpublished author, I believed it was “okay” that I was querying YA manuscripts that were around 120k in length. I believed that querying a trilogy was a good thing, because I had more “product” to offer a publisher. I kept running into the wall, hoping an exception would be made for me, even though YA novels are most typically much shorter, and very few agents/publishers are eager to take a chance on ONE book from an unknown, let alone three! I finally achieved success (aka published my first novel) when I told myself: “Okay, you’re going to sit down and work within the framework you know exists. You’re going to write a stand alone novel within the typical word range and start there. You may have other aspirations and ideas, but until you start playing by the rules, they’re not going to let you into the game.” I’m glad I finally listened to this advice I’d heard many times instead of thinking I could work around it when I was so green. And I think it’s important for all hopeful authors to keep in mind when submitting.

Stephanie Scott: This is more editing advice: To get a fresh look at my writing, I load the draft into my ereader where I can’t edit. I have to resist the urge to tweak and fine tune while getting an overview of the story. It also helps to change to a different font for reading than I use for writing to get a new feel for the words. I’ve only just started this, but you can have Microsoft Word read text aloud. Hearing your own words back highlights so many inconsistencies.

Linda Budzinski: “You must have tension on every page.” Early on in my writing training, I took a series of workshops with mystery writer Noreen Wald. She was full of fantastic advice, but this is the gem I remember best, perhaps because she would say it every week, and she’d pound the table with the palm of her hand four times as she said it. “You must have tension on every page.” This advice is critical for mysteries, and it’s true for YA romance as well. A page without tension is lifeless. It fails to engage the reader and pull them along. The tension can be external or internal, but it has to be there. On EVERY page.

What about you? What is the best piece of writing advice you’ve ever received? Share in the comments! xoxoxo